Don't Feed the Rat! Read online

  Abe raised his eyebrows and exchanged a look with Dave. Jacob didn’t notice and continued on.

  ‘And why are Priscilla and Godric so focussed on rats?’ Jacob shrugged his shoulders. ‘There have always been rats at the allotments, but I say live and let live.’

  Dave nodded in ascent. ‘I agree. There are rats on the allotments, but I don’t think they are a problem.’

  Abe shrugged. ‘People can have funny ideas sometimes.’

  ‘I think Priscilla just likes to find fault with me. Get me banned perhaps.’ Jacob sighed deeply. ‘Why did she have to come back to York?’ He absentmindedly twirled his glass around on the bar. Condensation dripped down from it, leaving a wet stain on the coaster.

  The door of the pub had opened and Abe stared at the man coming in. Jacob glanced at him. The man seemed out of place somehow. As if he didn’t belong in a small neighbourhood pub. The man was big and burly, and wore a trench coat. His eyes darted about the room.

  ‘Who’s that shifty character?’ Dave said.

  Abe leaned in and whispered, ‘If I’m not mistaken that’s Hal Simms. One of loan shark Jebediah Chase’s henchmen.’

  Dave raised an eyebrow. ‘Never heard of him.’

  ‘Well, Jebediah normally operates in Middlesbrough, so it’s not that strange you’ve never heard of him.’ Abe looked at the man some more. ‘I wonder what Hal is doing here in York.’ The three men watched as the man took a table in the corner by the window.

  Abe grinned and pushed Jacob with his elbow.

  ‘Did you perhaps spend too much money on your project and borrowed money from Jebediah?’

  Jacob looked a bit uncomfortable, but managed a wry smile. Luckily at that moment his watch beeped. Gulping down the rest of his beer, Jacob got up.

  ‘Sorry, guys, but I have to go. The International Space Station is going to fly over in fifteen minutes and I still have to set up my telescope.’ He gave a quick wave and left Abe and Dave at the bar to watch some more football.

  Just before Jacob reached the door, the man who had come in with Ian Fraser quickly left the pub. Why was he in such a hurry?

  * * *

  Paddy

  Vinnie, Pete and I were back on the wall, watching out over the allotments.

  ‘I don’t care what Cecil says,’ I said. ‘I like sitting up here observing the two-leggeds.’ Vinnie nodded.

  ‘You’re right,’ he said. ‘Sitting up high gives me the feeling I’m superior to them.’

  ‘Aren’t we anyway?’ Pete said. It was a deep question, especially coming from him. We pondered it a bit, as the sky slowly darkened.

  ‘Maybe we’re not superior as such,’ Vinnie said. ‘It’s more like a mutual coexistence and acceptance, I think. They need us to keep their gardens clear of pests like snails and slugs and we need them for our entertainment.’ Pete and I nodded our agreement. We could always rely on Vinnie to come up with something philosophical.

  There were not that many two-leggeds about any more to observe, though. Just a few with their dogs in tow. One of them was an older female, who walked a small grey dog. I watched her for a bit. Something felt wrong about her and I couldn’t put my paw on it. Her dog sauntered along, looking bored and uninterested, but the two-legged was all eyes and ears, scanning the path and allotments as if looking for something.

  ‘Look at that two-legged, guys,’ I said. ‘She seems a bit strange, don’t you think?’

  ‘What do you mean by strange?’ Vinnie said. ‘She’s just walking her dog.’

  ‘I know, but it feels off.’ We studied the two-legged some more.

  ‘Why do two-leggeds walk their dogs, by the way?’ Pete said. ‘It’s almost as if the dogs are their prisoners, tied up like that, always having to stay close.’

  Vinnie shook his head. ‘They do release them, you know.’ He pointed to the top of the hill. ‘I went past the top of the hill once and up there is a large field where the dogs are released and run around.’

  ‘But then they are tied up again,’ Pete said.

  Vinnie shrugged. ‘Yes, that’s true.’

  ‘Perhaps the two-leggeds don’t trust their dogs to be able to roam around on their own,’ I said. ‘Perhaps the dogs are not smart enough for that.’

  ‘But their cats roam around on their own,’ Pete said. ‘And they are the most untrustworthy creatures ever.’

  Our attention went back to the two-legged in question as she and her dog almost bumped into two young female two-leggeds, who came out of one the allotments. The blue haired two-legged was one of them.

  ‘Ah,’ the older female said to them. ‘Your allotment is one of the worst.’

  The yellow-haired young female with Blue Hair raised her eyebrows at her. ‘Worst?’

  ‘Yes, it’s full of bird food and everyone knows that having food about attracts the rats.’ Older Female pointed at a large number of fat balls and peanut strings that were strung between the branches of an elder on the allotment.

  ‘Godric is going to implement a ban on bird food. A letter to that effect will go out to all Hoes & Rakes tenants very soon.’

  Pete’s ears started twitching. ‘What will we eat if the bird food is gone?’ he said.

  ‘The bird food helps the birds through the winter,’ Yellow Hair said. ‘Do you want to endanger them?’

  ‘Tsss,’ Older Female said. ‘Most of the bird food is eaten by rats and not birds. And besides, it’s already May and the birds can find their own food.’

  ‘She’s not wrong,’ I said. ‘We do eat a lot of the bird food. Pretty smart for a two-legged.’

  Vinnie smirked. ‘The bird food is not mostly eaten by rats. It’s mostly eaten by Pete.’

  Pete glared at Vinnie.

  ‘Can I help it that I simply love bird food?’ he said. ‘But seriously, guys. What are we going to do without it?’ He started pacing up and down the length of the wall.

  Older Female walked on, pulling the dog along on its lead.

  ‘You’d better be warned,’ she said to the young females over her shoulder.

  Blue Hair shook her head at the retreating form of Older Female. ‘Horrible old bat.’ A pet rat crawled out of the sleeve of Blue Hair’s sweater and she petted it. Then they walked off in the opposite direction of Older Female.

  ‘What are we going to do?’ Pete said. He frantically pulled at the fur on his head.

  ‘Calm down,’ Vinnie said. ‘I’m certain it won’t come to the worst.’

  ‘Nevertheless,’ I said. ‘This is important news. We’d better tell the others about it.’ We jumped off the wall and ran towards the shed where my cousins Oscar and Millicent lived. Halfway there we bumped into Eddy, the red squirrel who had been hanging about with us lately. He was a bit of an anomaly, as all the squirrels on the hill were grey ones. Eddy joined us and together the four of us ran on.

  I had a little niggle of a bad feeling about the situation. What if Pete was right and things did come to the worst? What would we do then?

  CHAPTER THREE

  Without looking where he was going, Jacob scribbled his latest experimental findings in his notebook. It was always fun to hang about in old Mr and Mrs Kitchen’s back garden to check on the toads spawn in their pond, especially early on Saturday morning, when they were less likely to disturb him. He’d never told them exactly what he studied in their pond; he was afraid that Mrs Kitchen would get the willies if she knew there were a large number of toads in her garden.

  He quietly closed the gate behind him as he exited the garden on the street.

  ‘Sneaking around again in people’s gardens, are we?’

  Jacob jumped. Priscilla had crept up on him from behind. There she was, hands on hips, sneering at him. Her demeanour just like it was in their teenage years.

  ‘Morning, Priscilla. I need to be off.’ He tried to walk on, but she didn’t let him past.

  ‘What are you studying this time? Fleas? Midges?’ The sneer became even wider, and her eyes grew harder. �
��Don’t you realise that you will never amount to anything at this rate? You will be a nobody your whole life.’

  ‘Goodbye, Priscilla.’ He pushed past her, but she stood her ground. Jacob put his notebook back in his pocket and glared up at his nemesis.

  She looked down her nose at him. ‘I already knew you would never get anywhere when we were little. And here you are, chasing down spiders in someone’s garden.’

  Jacob racked his brains for a clever comeback. He couldn’t really believe that Priscilla still had the capacity to make him freeze up.

  A window on the first floor opened and Mrs Kitchen stuck her head out. ‘What is going on out there? We’re trying to sleep.’ The curlers in her hair danced up and down.

  Both Jacob and Priscilla looked up.

  ‘Sorry, Mrs Kitchen, not trying to disturb you, but I found Jacob sneaking around your garden.’

  Jacob rolled his eyes and, stepping around Priscilla, continued down the road.

  ‘Don’t be silly, girl,’ Mrs Kitchen said. ‘Jacob is harmless. Now get along with you.’

  Glancing over his shoulder, Jacob saw Priscilla standing on the pavement, gawping up at the now closed window. He sniggered. That would teach her.

  Jacob pulled his lab coat tight around his body and walked on. He’d better get down to the allotments and focus on his project. He wished he was able to work on his project all the time, but during the week he had no choice but to teach to earn some income. At least on the weekends he didn’t have that disruption. If only Priscilla would leave him alone everything would be fine.

  In the allotment car park, Wilbur Stapleton was locking his bicycle to a post. Jacob liked Wilbur. A scientist like himself, Wilbur was always interested in hearing about Jacob’s latest findings.

  Jacob was on his way over to him, when suddenly Emily appeared out of nowhere, startling Wilbur. Jacob stopped as he didn’t want Emily to see him, but she was all eyes for the strappy biologist.

  ‘How are you this morning, Wilbur?’ Emily said, looking coy.

  Wilbur smiled at her. ‘I’m fine.’ He touched her arm. ‘You’re looking good this morning. I love the new hair.’

  Emily looked down at her feet, then up to Wilbur with a smile. Great Scott! Was she flirting with him? Jacob shuddered. He’d better get out of here before they saw him.

  Passing Ian Fraser’s allotment, Jacob noticed Ian watering his carrots.

  ‘Ready for the competition, Ian?’ Jacob said, looking over the neatly clipped privet hedge that was the boundary of Ian’s allotment. ‘I’m certain my brother-in-law will beat you with his carrots this year.’

  Ian smiled at Jacob. ‘I’m not in the least worried,’ he said. ‘I have pioneered a secret way of producing the straightest carrots and am certain I will win again.’

  ‘May the best man win,’ Jacob said. There was a bit of an awkward silence between the two men. Then Ian cleared his throat.

  ‘I’m sorry about my brother Doug’s behaviour yesterday in the pub,’ Ian said. ‘He’s a bit of an idiot.’

  ‘Don’t worry about it,’ Jacob said. ‘I should have just let it go and not said anything back.’

  Ian smiled. ‘He’s only staying for a few more days. Then the peace and quiet will return.’

  ‘And then we can all concentrate on our carrots again.’ Jacob laughed at his own silly joke.

  ‘At least it’s certain Godric won’t win,’ Ian said in a half-whisper. ‘He’s too dim when it comes to growing carrots.’

  Once on his allotment, Jacob pottered about in his shed for a bit. He studied the print-out of the calculations his overgrown computer finished yesterday. If only the crockery company would let him know about the mug contract. He was certain that his invention of a mug-that-whistles-when-the-tea-is-drinkable would be a lucrative business deal.

  Someone cleared his throat and Jacob nearly jumped a foot up in the air. He turned around to see Godric Ainsworth standing in the doorway of his shed. In one glance Jacob remembered why he didn’t like the man. Who wore tweed jackets with elbow patches any more? And that greasy comb-over and the thick glasses. Ugh.

  ‘I’m glad I find you here this morning,’ Godric said, coming in. ‘I want to have a talk about the state of this allotment and the things that go on in this shed.’ Jacob almost smiled. What was he? A naughty teenager?

  ‘I have told you before that the allotments are not for science experiments,’ Godric said. ‘They are not there to study bugs and worms, nor are they to build computers in sheds.’ He waved at the equipment in Jacob’s shed. ‘The allotments are for growing vegetables, something I have never seen you do in the six years I have been chairman.’ He sneered. ‘Perhaps growing vegetables is too complicated for you?’

  Blood rushed to Jacob’s head, but he decided to let the remark go.

  ‘You know that my brother-in-law grows the vegetables on this allotment,’ he said. ‘So it’s not true that nothing happens here vegetable-wise.’

  ‘Three measly plots,’ Godric said. ‘While you could easily accommodate twelve or more.’ Godric walked out to the allotment. Jacob sighed. He followed, dragging his feet.

  ‘And what is all this clutter that you have lying about?’ Godric said, surveying his surroundings. ‘More than half of this allotment is filled with spare parts of sorts and goodness only knows what they are going to be used for.’ The two men stared at Jacob’s collection of machine parts and tools. Some of it was sorted and kept in waterproof plastic boxes. Weeds and grass had shot up from the ground between them.

  ‘This much clutter attracts all kinds of pests,’ Godric said. ‘Mostly rats, who steal things like seed potatoes.’

  Godric glared at Jacob. ‘I give you one week to clear all this out, including your shed. If you don’t, you will be banned from the allotments. That at least will stop you from entering my allotment illegally.’ He turned on his heel and stalked off.

  Jacob watched Godric leave and took a deep breath. Stupid little man! This allotment had been in his family for three generations, ever since the beginning of the society. Godric couldn’t just ban a longstanding member like him. And rats again? What was it with these rats?

  Outside on the path Godric was joined by Priscilla. As they walked off together, she gave him a triumphant look over her shoulder.

  Jacob sighed and made his way back to his shed.

  ‘Morning, neighbour.’ A voice sounded from the allotment next door. Jacob looked up. The handsome and youthful face of Wilbur Stapleton poked over the bramble hedge that separated the two allotments.

  ‘Sorry, but I couldn’t help overhearing Godric talking to you,’ he said.

  ‘Don’t worry about it.’ Jacob waved his hand. ‘Nothing you’re not allowed to know. And besides, who hasn’t been threatened by Godric since he became Chair?’

  Wilbur smiled. ‘So true. It seems the only way Godric can wield some power is by threatening people with bans.’ Wilbur leaned in a bit closer and lowered his voice. ‘He’s still angry with me for him being outvoted by the committee to allow me to do my vole research here. So he keeps on and on about how messy organic gardening is, just to distract me from it. One time he even handed me a leaflet about weed killers and how safe they are to use these days.’

  ‘I wonder if Godric even knows what voles are,’ Jacob said.

  Wilbur nodded. ‘He said to me once that voles are no better than rats.’

  ‘Well, we all know Godric knows nothing about gardening, so why should he know about rodents?’ Both men laughed.

  Jacob stepped up closer to the hedge. ‘Have you got any idea why there is such a vendetta against rats all of a sudden?’

  ‘I think this is Priscilla’s doing,’ Wilbur said. ‘Have you seen how she’s been sucking up to Godric lately? Almost as if she wants a seat on the committee.’

  ‘But she doesn’t even have an allotment. Why go to so much trouble?’

  Wilbur looked up to the sky in thought. ‘Maybe she’s bored? Isn’t she ret
ired?’

  ‘It’s more likely because she’s a megalomaniac,’ Jacob said. Both men sniggered. Wilbur waved his hand and disappeared from view.

  Jacob went back to his shed and continued on his project. Surely, Godric wouldn’t act on his threat.

  * * *

  Paddy

  Something was poking me in the stomach, causing me to wake up from my mid-morning nap. I swatted at it, then realised it was Pete.

  ‘Paddy... Paddy...’ he said. ‘Wake up. Older Female has started making life difficult for us.’

  My body was awake, but my mind needed a bit more time. I squinted at Pete, who pulled my arm as if wanting to drag me out of my digs. ‘Hurry...’

  I crawled out after Pete and blinked at the sun shining in my eyes. Older Female was talking to the two-legged couple who had the allotment where my digs were. Her dog sat next to her. He looked straight at me as I appeared from my digs and growled. Pete and I both froze, not wanting to excite the dog more. He pulled at his lead.

  Older Female looked down at him. ‘Quiet, Major.’ He settled, but kept a wary eye on us. We remained motionless.

  ‘Bird food is prohibited on the allotments as of today,’ Older Female said to the couple. She pointed at a lonely fat ball in a gooseberry bush.

  The male two-legged pulled up his shoulders. ‘But why?’

  ‘Godric decided that bird food attracts too many rats. It needs to go.’ She plucked the fat ball from the bush, and in the process scratched her arm. She glared at the two-leggeds as if it was their fault.

  Pete gasped as Older Female threw the fat ball in the bucket that stood at her feet.

  ‘Regular checks will be done, to make certain no more bird food appears.’ She walked off, grabbing the bucket and pulling the dog along on its lead. Pete and I followed at a respectful distance, curious to see where this was going. The dog kept his eyes on us.

  ‘Come along, Major,’ Older Female said, tugging the lead. She craned her neck over the hedges to peek inside other allotments.

  ‘Oh no,’ Pete said. ‘She’s going to take everything away.’